59:. MyOneWord 7

So, I’ve been in a funk lately, in the context of my word, Discipline. I’ve just been reverting back to what is easy for me. Being lazy. Not being proactive about things. I haven’t been making it easy on myself to succeed. You know what they say; Failing to plan is Planning to fail. I now see what they mean. I feel like my problem is I decide to start coasting. I don’t try to push myself, because it’s harder and I just want to be comfortable. My tendency is to do nothing. To sleep. To ditch working on stuff. However, after all of this, I feel like crap. I feel like I’ve wasted something. Sure I can do all the things I wanted to get done later, but I can’t get back that time I wasted. I want to be a good steward of my time and my energy. I want to engage in all that I’m choosing to do.

What to do now? I guess I could just say jump back on the horse and hope it works this time, but there is something that isn’t working. What is it? I think the blame lands squarely and solely on my effort. I put forth a great effort for like 2 weeks, then things started to get hard and I got busier. I want to see God move in this area of my life, and when I fail to open myself up to that, it hinders what I can see. God can do anything, I believe that. However, I also think that he calls for us to interact and trust and have faith in Him. To engage with Him. It’s only going to be possible by His grace. Thats where I am.

One last thing, I coach a high school guy’s basketball team for Port City. Great guys and pretty good players. They’ve had two pretty tough losses the past 2 weeks, both within 3 points. Just wanted to give a quick shout out to them and give em a cheer from where you’re at. Go ahead, I’ll wait . . . Thanks for that. Anyways, I’m proud of my fellas. Thats all.

Music Suggestion of the Day
John Mayer – Heavier Things: Now, I pretty much wrote this record off as one with a few hits but mostly just another over produced Mayer record, before they allowed him to do his own thing. I went to visit SB in VA this past weekend, and listened to this record a lot. There is a lot of good stuff on it. He is a great lyricist, great melody writer and just a sick guitar player. He thinks differently than the rest of us. Good stuff, check it out.

50:. MyOneWord #6 or Really Payin’ For It

So, like I said in an earlier post, I’ve been off schedule because of numerous things. This means I didn’t check my iCal every day and get a good feel for my week. No big deal right? Wrong! This has totally thrown me off. So this afternoon, once I got my car back and all my laundry together, I headed back to my apartment for the first time in a week. Yes, a week. Sucks. Anyways, once I got settled, I started to put my room, which looked like the definition of chaos, in order. That had to wait until Small Group was over. I spent a good while with my guys, whom are all awesome and keep me grounded and focused. They were a great distraction. So I finally get my room put together. As I sit down, around 2am, I pull up iCal to get a look at tomorrow. Then I see it. I try to wipe my eyes, maybe it’s not real. But it is my friend, it is.

What?!? But I . . . It can’t be. I thought class was cancelled. But no, instead of class being cancelled and getting to sleep in, I am now in the midst of an impromptu all-nighter. I’ve made flash cards and I’m studying them like mad. And to make things harder, I have an on-call shift tomorrow at BR and its days like these that they use them. Awesome. Just pray for me, please. One thing is certain though: This isn’t an accident. Things get hard, and God is good. I’m trusting that He is showing me why my word is important in this aspect because I’ve prayed for Him to show me. Never said it would be fun or easy or void of all-nighters. This is gonna be fun and one thing is for sure: I will make it a point to check out my schedule quite a bit more often.

Any good all-nighter stories?

47:. MyOneWord #5

So, Mike really wasn’t joking when he said it was going to be tough. I think I’m around a month into it and I believe I’m starting to see some root problems. The first being that I have trouble following through with things. I may talk about things I want to do, but I just don’t go through with them. I don’t honestly understand it. I want to be better. I want to be healthier, but I can’t consistently respond the way I plan to. I’ll have strings of good days, but then something happens and I loose focus. Usually, it tends to be something changes. For instance, I’ve stayed at my parents house the past few days because of my car being worked on, and it has thrown me off. It’s cause I’m not in a place where I usually do my quiet time or do my recording and stuff. I need to learn how to adapt to what happens around me.

The second root problem I see is pretty simple, I’m lazy. I just would rather sleep longer than get up and go work out. I’d rather eat what is here than go get something healthy. I need to learn to come out of my comfort zone and into a place where I’m stretched. Its a part of growth. I want to welcome it, not ignore it. I want to embrace it, not deny it. Change is good. Stretching is good. Discipline is good. I need to push myself and I need to learn to take the encouragement from the people around me when it comes to this stuff. So this is where I’m at right now.

Do You Have Your Word Yet?

38:. MyOneWord #4

So, I’ve kinda been slackin in the schedule department of discipline. Again, I’m making the schedules, pretty detailed if I do say so myself, but I just can’t stick to it. Something will come up and I justify why I can do what I want. Sometimes this is good, sometimes its destructive to my day. I never noticed how much time I waste just looking at crap on the internet. I can spend so much time doing … well … nothing. I’m glad I’m noticing this. Normally, I wouldn’t really catch this, but now I’m paying much more attention to it. This is a good step. A small step, but a good step. Growth. As for the eating and weight stuff, things are going great. I’m on track with the weight loss, and Brooks is definitely staying on top of it. We’re both doing well, and the support makes things better.

What have I learned in this short time? That I am weak. Jesus is the only way I could hope for a change. Because of His life, I can pursue this change. I can pursue a life more like His. As I continue to see how empty and broken my tendencies and nature are, I begin to see how necessary Jesus is. What I mean is, as I continue to look at my life and how I live compared to Jesus’, I can’t help but see how God had to make a way back to me. It had to be by his effort. There is no reason for Him to want to give up His own son for me, except love. I am sin. God can’t be with sin, its like day with night. It doesn’t happen. His love for me is so amazing and huge that He would give up His beloved Son just to make a way for a sinner, beggar, ragamuffin, broken person like me. It truly is the most amazing thing I’ve ever come across. I am weak, Jesus is for me. Jesus is in me. I can change because of His hope and love for me. Amen.

32:. MyOneWord #3

So, I’ve been goin with my word for the past few weeks. What have I learned so far? My will power is weak and I cannot do this on my own. I will elaborate. Discipline has way more sides to it than at first glance. I mean, it has been awesome for my quiet times. I’ve only missed one in the past two weeks, and I feel like I’m in a woodshedding scenario right now. I’m slowing beginning to desire that time with the Lord. Thats what this is about. However, with other things, I feel myself becoming tired and weak. I want to find joy in doing the things that will allow me to be more disciplined. I see this mostly in my eating habits and going to the gym. I never realized how dependent I am on food. For instance, i’ll just be eating dinner at my parents, and i just over eat. Not because I was hungry, but because it was there. I need to know where that cut off is. And with the gym, I need to really work on getting up in the morning and going. Just the actual getting there. Once I’m there, its down to business, but its actually getting up and going that is my problem.

Another interesting thing that I’ve been finding is something that Mike has been challenging us to do. He doesn’t just tell us to pick a word and to go with it, but he believes that we have to have a way to measure our growth. Without these ways to measure, how do we know that we are actually growing? He has an excellent point. Its pretty self-explanatory with the working out and keeping in shape and eating better part of discipline. You can just weigh yourself and physically look at yourself. But how do I measure my spiritual discipline? How can I measure whether I am growing spiritually? These are questions that I’m having a hard time finding an answer to. I also need to explore where else discipline is going to affect my life, like with Sara Beth. What does it look like to pursue discipline with her? Concentrating on being a better listener? Giving her my complete attention when we talk? What does that look like and how can I measure it?

I can already see how this is going to really stretch and push me, and this is where you come in. I have a few people really looking out for me and keeping me accountable, but as a community, I want to open this up to you too. If we’re ever in a conversation and you know about my word or where I’m trying to get to with my character, I invite you to ask questions. To ask if I’m really doing what I need to be doing. To inquire whether I’m all talk. Be as in-depth or surface as you care, but I give you full permission to not hold back. I look forward to it.

One more thing, if you guys would like to know when I post something new up here, to make it easier on you, you can subscribe to my RSS Feed. Just add it to your RSS stack in your Bookmarks. I’d appreciate it, thanks.

28:. Food Buddies and Why I Love YouTube

So, today was another first day of school. Went by fairly fast, and an update on the whole scheduling thing i’m doing is that its awesome! I get so much accomplished and i feel like i’m positioning myself to be in a place where i can be used more. Its a good thing. But one thing that i’ve really wanted to start doing is getting in shape. Not just working out, because i’ve done that, but i need to face the facts. I don’t eat super well. At all. Ever. I think i’m pretty good at covering it up, but i’m not in good shape. I want to be healthy. So, Brooks and I were talking and since we’re both doing Discipline as our words, we decided that we could be food buddies too. Now, what food buddies do is whenever they see each other, they ask how the other has been eating and reminding them about things they can do to be even better. Like Brooks always reminds me to not eat after 8. Its good solid advice, and i love him for it.

One thing real quick about Brooks, is that I love how he embraces honesty. I wish more people, especially people involved in a worship community, would do this. I know that he is never going to tell me something or say something to hurt me. I know that no matter what, since we are good friends, that he is going to try and build me up and push me towards the things i want to do. He isn’t afraid to call me out or to take honesty right back. He knows i’m going to be real with him too. Its a beautiful thing.

And YouTube showed me something pretty hilarious today. Since i’m talking about Brooks and I, lately i’ve been getting into using a brittish accent around him. I’m bad at it, so it’s funny. I think accents are awesome. Any kind that is strong = money. So, as i was surfing YouTube today, i found this. Quite awesome, enjoy…

Gotta love dragons.

24:. Sunday Night Retrospect/MOW pt. 2

So, when I lead worship for Tsunami and Ripple Effect, its a long Sunday. Its a great Sunday, but a long one. I had a rough Tsu this morning. Some glitches with a tuner and my being freaked out and forgetting words can be a hard one to bounce back from. For me, especially when it comes to leading worship, i’m very rough on myself. I’m my hardest critic. I strive for excellence, and when it isn’t met, i beat myself up about it. I think personal criticism is a great thing, but i had some talks with friends afterwards and they just reminded me of how i have grace just like anyone else. Jesus see’s my heart. The Father knows where i’m at, and he understands I’m not perfect. I need to understand that and accept His grace, even in these seemingly trivial things. It was a good day to learn that.

R.E. tonight was better though. I still felt uncomfortable because i had a short week to prepare. I hate not feeling comfortable, especially when i know i could be more prepared. My advice to anyone who plays for their church, you can never, EVER, be too prepared. I can’t tell you how huge a difference it makes. It’s one thing to know a song. It’s a completely different thing to OWN it. I challenge you musicians to own your music. Own that bass line. Own that rhythm part you don’t really like playing. Own it. I’m done with that.

So i’ve already been challenged by my word. I see it really being practical when it comes to food. I really dig food, and most the time i just eat too much. I’ve got a couple buddies keeping me accountable about eating and what i’m eating and how much i’m eating. Its a great thing. Community is happening. Tomorrow is the first day that i start my schedule that i’ve drawn up. I’m pretty nervous to be honest. I know prayer is going to be my biggest advantage. Change isn’t easy, but Jesus is all about change. From light to dark, night to day, broken to whole, glutton to satisfied. With all my heart i want to go after this. I know i’m going to fail at sometime during all of this, but i’m a broken, fallen person. It’s to be expected. But how i deal with that is the real test of character. Mike said something that really hit me this morning. He said, “The difference between resolutions and your word is that with your resolutions, when struggle happens, you quit. It’s over. The struggle is assumed and expected with your word. Thats when it really starts.” The fact that it will be just as hard 4 months down the road as it is tomorrow is a hard thing to look in the face. But i’m excited.

Have you picked your one word yet? If so, What is it?

Music Suggestion of the Day

Copeland – Beneath the Medicine Tree: This is just a great record that i’ve been into since the day i got it junior year of high school. The drums are just rockin, and the vocals are haunting and just sick. I really love how they can take powerful drums, raging guitar lines, and raw vocals and just blend together into something, well, beautiful. Great stuff.

23:. Organization Update or Myoneword Pt.1

So, I’ve tried to spend the past few days getting organized. Why? Because i want to stop wasting hours of my life. As dumb as that sounds, its true. If you know me, at all, then you understand how much I love sleep. Like i’d rather do that than many things. And I sleep like a rock. I could drop 18 hours. Easy. Its semi-impressive, just ask Tom or Lee. Anyways, I usually end up sleeping through lots of important things. Like classes, or work. You know, important stuff. I also struggle with keeping a schedule. I may sit down and plan it out, but actually doing it is another thing.What i have done is increased preparation on the front end, to help with my idiot nature at the point of struggle. If i know what i’m supposed to do at the gym or in my quiet time or for my practice time, then i’m more likely to do it. This schedule making will help me become more disciplined with my time, and effectively, with my life. Here’s a small snapshot of what my crazy schedule looks like:

Along with all of this fun stuff, i’ve been wrestling with what I want to go with as Myoneword for ‘08. This is really the first time that i’ve really had to to sit and pray through all of this. I have a few floating to the front of my head, but i’ll get to those in a moment. Being in an amazing community of believers makes this process so much more real and attainable. For instance, my buddy Sean wrote this beautiful passage about his search of his heart to find his oneword ……

my biggest enemy has always been myself. all these years i’ve built up so many walls. i recently read a book on humility and it’s really working me. it has helped me to see how much my pride affects me and the ones i love. sometimes adah stands in her doorway at night when she can’t sleep….she stands there crying with her arms out and says “daddy i want you” it made me think how i want that same thing in christ as my father. i want him and the joy that comes with letting go of my pride and letting him live in me fully……finally. the only way that can happen for me is through brokeness. i pray that god will break me so i can live…so i can love….so i can breath….so i can do whatever i’m on this earth to do. broken….thats my one word for 2008. 

Its stuff like that that makes me excited to be at Port City. So with that said, I have found Myoneword.

Discipline - Train oneself in doing something in a controlled and habitual way.

Let me break this down a little bit. The very first word, Train. This word implies effort. It means that its something I have to be proactive with. Discipline doesn’t just happen. You don’t buy a mandolin, look at it in the corner of your room for 2 years, and then you pick it up and you’re Chris Thile. No, you have to work at it. You have to set aside time to get from A to B. I think the language in this is really interesting. Why would it be controlled? Maybe just skating by isn’t enough. To have discipline is to be in control of your decisions. It means that I can look at that extra piece of pizza and say, I don’t need this. That I can look at my girlfriend and know that she is worth more than the thoughts I’m battling. That I will be honest, even if it hurts. Also, when i think of the word habit, the word “bad” usually proceeds it. But what if that wasn’t the case. What if my habits were to eat more healthy or to read scripture and soak it in. I mean really soak in the grace and love and power that comes from it. Its a beautiful point B along this unending path I’m on. I really love the fact that it says “controlled and habitual”. Not either or, both.

This word has haunted me for a long time. It has so many sides to it. Brooks and I were talking about this today and the beautiful thing about this word is that is falls over all parts of your life. Discipline in eating, in my pursuit of Jesus’ heart, in being a godly brother, in being a worship leader. Everything. I ask that you join me in praying for myoneword and for all the others joining in. This all comes back to being a good steward of life, and I want to be a part of that.

Music Suggestion of the Day

 

Hillsong United – United We Stand: I just recently bought this entire record. I only had a few tracks off of it, but its a beautiful cry of passionate people to God. One thing I am learning to do is to let myself sing from a place that only my Father can see, and these guys are truly going after that. I can feel these songs. And when they worship in such an authentic way, the songs become much more than melodies and meters. They become part of the very love story of Christ and His church.